Happy Bobby Bonilla Day!

Happy Canada Day to my friends up north and Happy Bobby Bonilla Day to all you Mets fans! Yes, indeed. It’s Christmas come early once again for Bobby Bo.

As you are undoubtedly aware, today is the day that Bobby Bonilla gets his annual deferred salary of $1.19 million from the New York Mets. It all started during the 1999 playoffs when he and Ricky Henderson had the audacity to play cards in the clubhouse during a game that was still in progress. The Mets decided to cut bait after the season, presumably to give Bonilla time to hone his skills for the World Series of Poker. Bobby Bo was still owed $5.9 million on his contract. Rather than reward him for his sheer lack of interest in baseball-related activities, the Mets, in their infinite wisdom, agreed to defer his payment ten years. This agreement also factored in an annual interest rate of 8%.

Thus, the Mets have sent Bonilla a check for $1,193,248.20 every year since 2010. They could have just paid him the $5.9 million up front and told him to go spit. Instead, they will pay him $29.8 million! This is, of course, the same organization that invested money with Bernie Madoff and are in financial ruin ever since… well, since they started paying Bonilla that moronic deferred annual salary!

If I asked my six-year-old sister if she had to choose between giving me five candy bars or twenty-nine candy bars, how many do you think she would give me?

For all of you Mets fans on social media who are tired of the annual Bobby Bonilla jokes and are on the verge of blocking people at the mere mention of his name, please understand that this is essentially the reason why the team is a laughingstock. It is not because of their history of losing. It is not because they traded Nolan Ryan. It is not because they not only traded “The Franchise” Tom Seaver, but when he graciously returned to the team six years later, they left him unprotected in the free agent compensation pool and unceremoniously lost him to the Chicago White Sox. It’s not because they once had to activate their batboy to play right field for a split-squad spring training game because they forgot to bring enough players. It’s not because of Dwight Gooden and Darryl Strawberry’s drug use and wasted talent. It’s not because Bobby Ojeda cut his finger off or because Gregg Jefferies once called WFAN to ask the fans not to boo him.

It is not because of Vince Coleman’s amateur pyrotechnics or David Cone’s pre-game bullpen rituals with his third leg. Speaking of which, it’s not because of Steve Phillips’ sexual escapades either or their failure to turn Mike Piazza, who was once forced to hold a press conference to announce he wasn’t gay, into a first baseman to squeeze a few more productive years out of him. It is not because of the countless free agents and acquisitions who have failed miserably, such as Hall of Famer Robbie Alomar. It’s not because Keith Hernandez thought the Padres’ female massage therapist belonged in the kitchen instead of the dugout. It is not because Carlos Beltran looked at Adam Wainwright’s curveball to rip everyone’s hearts out in 2006, despite Wainwright setting up Cliff Floyd and Jose Reyes with that very same curveball earlier in the inning. (Okay, that one still bothers me, but I’ll get over it eventually.)

It is not because they fired Willie Randolph at 3:15am eastern time or because former assistant GM Tony Bernazard ripped off his shirt Hulk Hogan-style and challenged a player to a fight. Not Billy Wagner having the nerve to use Enter Sandman as his entrance music in a town where the greatest closer of all-time had long since claimed it. Not a new ballpark that was originally built as a tribute to the Brooklyn Dodgers and then hastily given an orange and blue facelift due to public outcry. Not moving in the fences twice to cater to a team that STILL can’t hit the ball over the wall. Not Luis Castillo pulling a Bill Buckner against our most hated rival. Not Sandy Alderson or Terry Collins. Not Ike Davis’ Valley Fever. Not David Wright’s spinal stenosis, Michael Cuddyer’s inept play or silly fedora, Alex Torres’ even sillierhat, Matt Harvey flipping everyone off on Twitter, attending Ranger games and attending Derek Jeter’s final Yankee game, Lucas Duda’s unwillingness to bunt to third base for a hit every single time at bat to beat the shift, their AAA team playing three f**king time zones away or their uncanny ability to turn a sure victory into a crushing defeat in the most unimaginable of ways.

No, the reason why they are ridiculed endlessly is because their front office agreed to pay a disgruntled, underperforming player (after his secondtour of duty with the team, mind you) FIVE TIMES the amount he was legally entitled to, when my six-year old sister would have said no way! I seriously want her to sign the checks instead of Fred Wilpon.

Granted, this is not unprecedented. Roger Clemens made a similar agreement with the Houston Astros a few years back. Steroids or no steroids, it’s still Roger Clemens, one of the preeminent names in Major League Baseball. We’re talking about Bobby Bonilla here. By virtue of his career numbers, Baseball-reference.com lists him as being most comparable to Fred Lynn and Raul Ibanez. How many Hall of Fame votes are they getting?

Bonilla’s annual bonuses make him the ninth-highest paid player on the Mets’ current roster. Harvey, Jacob deGrom and Juan Lagares will all earn less than him this year. Surely, if they needed another bat for the second half (which they do) Bobby Bo would be more than willing to defer his salary for a third time to offset the cost, right?

Third time?.... You mean second time, right? Wrong. There already was a second time J…

CBSSports.com reported in 2013 that Bonilla receives an additional payment for 25 years, which is the shared responsibility of the Mets and the Baltimore Orioles. This runs through 2028. The Mets are reportedly required to pay just over half of the annual $500,000 sum, which was deferred compensation from Bonilla’s first tour of duty with the Mets. He was the mistake so nice they deferred it twice!

So, ladies and gentlemen, Bobby Bonilla makes a grand total of $1.7 million every July 1^st and laughs at Fred Wilpon all the way to the bank. And they put Bernie Madoff in jail for ripping people off? The worst part is if Bonilla showed up at the ballpark today at age 52, he would probably be their best option to bat cleanup and play left field. That is why the joke never get old and that’s why the Mets deserve all the zingers and one-liners we can possibly deliver on this festive and joyous holiday.

Happy Bobby Bonilla Day everyone! #LGM