Day 350

Until a few minutes ago, I couldn't decide which project to work on tonight. As I sat here with the ESPN bowl games acting as background noise, I wondered 'Do I work on the continuation of my Core Memories sexy romance series?' (Yes, I can say the word sexy here. It's my blog. I'm not going to ban myself). 'Do I revisit my full-length work-in-progress that feels empty to me?' 

Don't get me wrong. The latter is going to be a wonderful story once I decide to continue writing it. I just don't feel comfortable penning a straight fiction novel right now, even though one of my dear friends insists (and I'm paraphrasing here) "There's something uniquely special about a Brian Scala book." I can't shake this feeling that it needs to be something more than what it is. Romance, Horror, Suspense, maybe all of the above. I need a niche. People want horror or romance, or both. That's partially why I decided to dive into the romance thing, or my version of it. They don't want my piddling little fiction book about an indie author who has a meltdown and goes on a soul-searching journey to East Bumfuck, Connecticut, while trying to reconnect with her father, a former radio personality who has since been "cancelled."

It's funny. When I actually write it out, it makes my WIP sound more interesting than I think it is. It's a weird dichotomy. When I write something that I mean to put out into the world, I don't see the occasional (haha!) need for editing until I actually read it aloud. Only then, do I say to myself 'Ugh, this looks awkward. I have to change this.' Either way, maybe they do want a straight-up fiction book. But not tonight.

So, which project did I choose for this evening? This one. As fate would have it, one of my new author friends posted in their blog earlier this week. It made me remember that I have my own blog. It's been nine months since I last wrote here. Nine months is a long time. I needed to do something for me, something I can write without worrying how good it is or how much polish it needs. Again, don't get me wrong. I have the world's best editor. For that matter, she's a great friend, too. I wouldn't be here talking about the perils of being a published author without her encouragement, support, guidance, advice, and friendship. Is that one too many superlatives? If so, too bad; they're all true. 

Anyway, tonight, this is my work in progress and my next published work. I need a good stream-of-consciousness rant. Weekends are different because the noise dies down. People relax and do their weekend activities. I usually feel like that Jennifer Lawrence meme. What do I do? I used to be normal. I watched sports, YouTube videos, or old wrestling on Peacock. I played with the cats and took naps. Okay, I still do all of those things. The only difference is now I have another career, if you want to call it that. 

I also decided to take up yoga again. That's something. My instructor friend always thanks us for "honoring" ourselves by coming to class. I find it hard not to laugh at my own obscure joke when she says that. Honoring The House of Black... LOL It's a silly wrestling thing, don't worry about it. 

A lot of people do year-end lists. I posted an Instagram photo on January 1st, 2023 and captioned it "Day One." I've since deleted that pic for reasons. The guy in that photo has no idea that his world is going to turn upside down in the next twelve months. Eddie The Legend? That's just the tip of the iceberg. How about Dinner For Two, a short story with a happy ending? Yes, that kind. How about Sinful Signings? Sinful Peaks? Black Number One. Yeah, that one is technically 2024, but it was birthed in 2023. How about all of my amazing friends on social media, some of whom I've had the honor of meeting (Honoring the House of Sin? LOL Hey, that's a cool title. I'll put that one away). 

How about still having a loving wife, a job, real friends, and his health? How about still getting to see his family for a Disney trip in 2023? How about reconnecting with his father? Yes, I went there, but that's all I'm going to say. It's all good. 

That guy sitting at the bar on January 1st is just beginning the rebirth of his author journey. He thinks he's happy; he's not. He still craves the respect, validation, and friendship of a certain group of individuals (not any of you!) who seemingly keep him at arm's length after roughly a year of doing anything and everything for them. He's going to therapy because he thinks there's something truly wrong with him. He wants to be "in." 

He eventually got in with the right crowd - his author friends. He remembered that he'd always been "in" with his old crowd - his other friends. Eddie The Legend re-launched him. It became a bittersweet pill to swallow. He thanked some people who ended up ridiculing his work on a social media platform he chose to abandon for the sake of his mental health. Say what you will about the book itself, and a select few did, but bashing someone behind his back is cowardice. And maybe jealousy? I should be flattered. This is what they do to people like Lou Lamoriello. If you don't know who that is, don't worry about it. He's a public figure, so maybe I should be thankful they see me as someone just as important LOL. Maybe they realized I wasn't content drinking or smoking the rest of my life away, lamenting why life sucks or why the inept fourth line center is still on the hockey team. In fairness, the latter might be a legitimate talking point. 

In all seriousness though, I haven't publicly said much about that whole thing. There's no need to go any further. It is what it is. Misery loves company and I chose not to be miserable anymore (FYI - the above paragraph is the "reasons" I mentioned earlier). I found something better to blow all of my money on - people like you who give a shit. After all, giving is my love language. 

My pizza will arrive soon, so I'm going to wrap this up on a positive note. Day 350 is a good day because you're here. I appreciate you listening and reading. Subsequently, I've decided to add a link to this very blog on my Linktree. It's as big a part of my journey as my actual published works or soon-to-be published works. After all, there's something uniquely special about a Brian Scala blog.