Ten Percent

Hello. My name is Brian. I am a chronic people-pleaser and an attention seeker.

The latter is extremely hard for me to admit. I promise you, I don’t purposely seek attention. I don’t try to act out. I believe everything I do or say is with the best of intentions. 

My problem is I have a need to be loved by everyone. I try too hard and sometimes it comes across as being overbearing. When I don’t get a positive reaction, I try harder to get that reaction and it just makes it worse. When I get anything construed as a negative reaction, it sends me into a downward spiral of depression. It’s a vicious cycle. This is probably why I’ve had trouble maintaining friendships over the years.

I also apologize too much. I apologize for everything. I'm afraid of losing. I focus too much on trying not to lose that I forget how to win. Many times, I don't believe in myself and I don't believe I'm good enough. I could seriously use that Stuart Smalley self-help mirror. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me. 

I found a question & answer on Quora that I need to abide by going forward. If any of you see me acting in a way that you think is detrimental, please do one of two things:

a)  a) Remind me of how much I am loved and appreciated and refer me to this Q&A: https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-cure-myself-from-being-a-chronic-people-pleaser-and-an-attention-seeker

How do I cure myself from being a chronic people-pleaser and an attention-seeker?

Face the fact that 10% of all the people you'll meet will like you, no matter what. As is. Another 10% will hate you, no matter what you do or say. The other 80% have no feelings about you, either way. They don't know you exist and don't care.

10% is PLENTY.

Those 10% are your 'peeps'. Your tribe. They are people whose souls just resonate with yours. ...Who knows why? They don't ask you to prove anything. They like you despite your differing opinions. They like you despite your bad choices. They like you despite your failures. They are happy for your every success. (In contrast to that 10% who can't stand you, who dislike you even more with each success.)

We'll never win over that 90%. Why waste the energy? Better to deal with them with a polite detachment. I spend my emotional energy on my 10%. 10% is PLENTY!

Here is the problem with "people-pleasing"... If you act a certain way to get me to like you...

1. You have to keep up the act.
2. You'll never know if I would like the REAL you.
3. You'll always know, deep down, that what you have is conditional love... conditional on your keeping up the act!

Better to find your 10% and be sincerely loved by people who sincerely think you're great... as is.

 

b)      Just say you love me. Like the song says, all you need is love.


I'm sorry for trying so hard. Actually, I'm not sorry, unless I should be. 😊

Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 13, 2022 at 10:08 AM

    So enjoy your diatribes. Make me smile!😸

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousSeptember 13, 2022 at 10:13 AM

      Thank you very much, Mr or Ms. Anonymous! 😻

      Delete

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